Measuring Success

How do you truly measure success? Is it based on how much money you accumulate? How many kids do you have? How much power do you have? How many friends do you have? How many people know you (fame)? I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately.

I grew up idolizing my Grandfather, who worked extremely hard and became successful and wealthy despite having only a sixth-grade education. They don’t make them like him anymore. He was born poor and lived in a shack in Irving and worked his ass off, and kept doing it until his death. When I say the man worked hard, it was more than that. He was extremely clever — brilliant. He owned a trading post, repossessed vehicles, and worked as an Irving firefighter. He would finish his shift as a firefighter and then would go and start repossessing cars. He was a machine; he lived to work and loved to work. Long story short, he eventually moved his family to Forney and began selling Antiques. Forney became the antique capital of Texas for a long time. That time came and went — my grandfather saw the writing on the wall, so he started buying land. To sum it up — he was always looking for something new to venture out into. He was a hard worker who earned every dime he made.

I love to work and want to do more and find ways to make money — but I don’t know how. What I mean by that is — I am not too proud to start over from the bottom if I could work hard and become successful. The thing is — what do I do? I am no spring chicken, not that that matters, but in addition, there are very few options. I have no problem going and learning a trade at a trade school if I can make money.

I do not view myself as a success. My husband often tells me I am wrong, but I can’t accept it. I guess I should explain who I am.

I am a radio news and traffic anchor who works for the number three market in Chicago and the number 5 market in Dallas every single day. I have done traffic for LA, San Fransico, Chicago and New York City, Louisville, KY, and Fredericksburg. VA and Washington DC — actually, I have done traffic just about everywhere. I was also a national news anchor briefly with a company called Inews. I work very hard and take pride in my work. You may not have heard of me, but I guarantee you have heard me.

I should be proud that I did something almost impossible, which was break into the business's top five markets and was featured on the top-rated news-talk legacy station WBAP 820AM for a brief time. I have been on the air at KLIF and KRLD, and I am now the ‘main’ news anchor for 660AM the Answer KSKY. (the main news anchor is recovering from a stroke… terrible, horrible story — bothers me deeply. I seriously love the man and hope he recovers and be just like he was before). I was recently rated one of the top three traffic anchors in Fredericksburg, and I have heard that I am pretty popular in Chicago (idk, I have been told that — I never looked into it).

These all sound like huge achievements — and they are, in a way, but I have this irascible hunger for more. I want to do voice-over work, imagining, anything. I want to make money — I can’t be a mom and live a normal life like I always wanted — so I want to make money. Yet, I have no clue how. I feel like such a failure. I have always prided myself on being a step ahead and looking for ways to expand and grow — but I am stuck. I have no clue on how to run a business or any sort of entrepreneurial vision. The funny thing is, I can do it for other people and direct them on how to capitalize on their talents — yet I am stuck spinning my wheels like an idiot.

I have never pursued fame — I have always tried to practice the Monty Python — how to not be seen, but not get blown up or seen LOL. I am a very socially awkward; honestly, I don’t like being the center of attention. Which is strange considering that I am an only child. I just want to do a good job, and when people hear me, they can trust my information, and I work hard to convey it to them in the best way I can — in a conversational way — yet with authority. If you don’t believe what you are saying — neither will the listener.

My husband tells me I am successful, but I don’t feel that way. I feel trapped — I have nowhere to go. I always have some sort of idea or plan to keep moving forward so I don’t get left behind. I honestly have nothing… the industry has changed. The world has changed. There aren’t as many options or opportunities as there used to be. I don’t think any job is beneath me. Again, I have no issue starting from scratch, but I want to make sure whatever path I take will work — not like the year 2005, which I don’t like to talk about much — when I went to mortician school — I regret it. It was a horrible experience — I cannot even begin to tell you what I saw and experienced.

I used to want to go into court reporting, but — unfortunately, an asshole who shall not be named who was running the board at WBAP blew my eardrum out. Thank God I only wear one can (headphone). You have to have excellent hearing to be a court reporter — mine sucks now.

My colleagues, when they leave the business — often take jobs as communications directors — I would be the worst communications/ PR spokesman. I have a tendency to show that I am annoyed, and yeah — — that wouldn’t work out very well. Some go into real estate — LOL, the real estate market is a joke right now — so there goes that. I have even considered getting a government job — but that is not easy. Oh well — -

Thanks for reading my mid-life crisis/self-evaluation — you must be bored if you read all of this. Seriously — booger.